make it easy why don’t you
Hi T,
I should have known that your first post would be something that would make me stop and think – long and hard – I have been composing, decomposing, and recomposing this post on and off for a couple of days. I started working on a completely spontaneous, stream-of-consciousness type response, however then I realised for that to be any good, I’d need to raise my consciousness first, so that took a couple more days.
As I write now I am listening to someone sing – ’search for the hero inside yourself, until you find the key to your life’ – I don’t know if that is apt, and they may be pretty crap lyrics, it is however as it is.
Your words touched me on so many levels, as they were intended to do – thanks.
Firstly I miss you. I miss YOU. The ‘you’ I can touch, the ‘you’ I can see, the ‘you’ that infuses his words with inflections and tones, adds body language and subtle physical metaphor. I miss you madly. And at that level my response is to want to see you, to want to touch you, to want to interpret you as you talk. So once my work is sorted I want you to come and visit me. Please. My shout.
Next… I need to reread your post….and yes while this method is not ‘quite the same’ as a conversation spoken (hmmm slight understatement methinks), it has its own advantages and disadvantages, like I can reread your words and rewrite mine.
There is no Destiny, no Fate; this is all there is.
Yep, this is all there is. There is no future and no past as well, this is all there is. Death is here, right here, right now, just as life is. One can not exist, one does not exist, without the other.
As there is ice, there is steam, as there is night, there is day.
When the sun shines we cast a shadow, when the night falls we are the light
When we are at our most alone, when there is only us, then we are complete.
To find our way we must first lose it, to die we must first live.
And the memory of those that gave and took our love fades, as does our breath,
As we are carried on the wings of love, pure love, free love, rising, soaring high…
breath slows…..so slow…..
impossibly slow
until I am no longer sure whether I am
Φ
There is no destiny, no fate, not now and not then. No Life and Death. There is no ‘alone’. I am free. There are no dark and no light sentiments, as you say everyday everyone speaks the dharma. There is nothing to fear in darkness, as there is nothing to fear in the light, athough…
…as I have lived and changed the light has become more scary to me than the darkness. I grew to know the darkness so so well, I dwelt in it for many moments over a period of many years. The darkness was my retreat, my aloneness was my greatest weapon. It is the darkness, in the aloneness from which I forged my identity.
When the casting and smithing was complete – I knew my identity. I had shaped it, without my eyes, without my hands, simply with my mind alone in the dark – I was ready,
or so I thought.
I was not ready. The light makes clear. The light goes anywhere, and everywhere. It seeks out the smallest crack and shines through – to illuminate all that lies in the dark, in the attic, in the cellar, all those little forgotten about places.
I love that, and it scares the shit out of me. I love the feel of the light as it enters, sometimes ever so slowly with a seeping greyness, and at others a blinding bright light.
Ω more to see, more to experience. I love the light. I love the dark β
See, told you there were definite advantages to this form of communication, I can just rave on and on and on… ha. But not about that psychologist that a certain mutual friend of ours went to visit – ha! So thanks Tobe, I have enjoyed my little rave, as I always did with you and I am sure, I always will….
In response to your next words ” I embrace it as it kills me” , I had written ‘of course it kill us’ and was struggling to write some more, and a small bird flew into the kitchen where I sit. I have opened the window and it has just flown away – is that some sort of omen or symbolism I ask – so I google ‘bird in house’ and find this…
‘a wild bird flying into one’s house is a portent of ill luck, possibly even death’
So my son, death is here with us, or at least the portent of it is – lol. Right here, right now.
Thanks Tobe. Thanks for letting me go, thank you for setting me free. I am free to do what I want, within the contraints of the life I have chosen. It is my sense of the balance between these two (imaginary) poles that influences my happiness. I feel less ‘trapped’ now – you have helped set me free. You and I carried the burden of illusion together for so long. For the longest time. No one has walked with me as long as you have. As you say from before we knew what we were doing, we walked together, and in those days I loaded you up, and I gotta say, you were up to the task.
Do not now let the weight of that burden weigh you down.
I love you dude – like no other!!!!
xxxxxx
D
