Its all ok, everything is good even when it feels like we’ve come full circle and are back exactly where we were 4, 5 or however many years ago. We all go round in circles – life is not  a linear process, we don’t just start out being born, learn our lessons from every single experience and progressively follow this straight path to death. We go round in circles, revisiting moments in our lives that we have a need to revisit.  Sometimes it takes us more that one go at a certain life experience to fully learn and grow from it. So, thankfully we come round again.

 

Some of us don’t even recognise these cycles at all, most of us only see it every now and again. However if we don’t recognise this pattern and if we don’t choose to pay attention and take action then we just keep going round and round, ultimately wondering why we don’t seem to be ‘getting anywhere’ in our lives.

 

Yet we all know when we’ve come round again - we know it deep inside. We sense a familiar feeling inside and there are familiar signs outside. We know that we’ve had these feelings before and the external signs and symbols remind us of a similar time in our lives not so long ago. Not so long ago that we have no recollection; we know where we are. We know we are here again. The question is do we now pay heed to this knowing, or do we ignore it, dismiss it, resist it?

 

There are of course a multitude of reasons why we may choose to ignore, dismiss or resist what we know.  And quite often this is exactly what we do. We do this however at our peril. There is no escaping these cycles of life. We are back here again for a reason, and if we choose to ignore, dimiss or resist how we feel and what we recognise around us, then we are simply delaying the inevitable. And what today is just an uncomfortable sense of self doubt will become if we delay long enough a life-threatening situation.

 

There is one predominant reason we have come back round again. There is one main reason we find ourselves in this situation again. That is to give ourselves an opportunity. We are here again so that we can choose to do things differently We can choose to be different.  And ain’t that the most amazing thing? Ain’t that the most fantastic opportunity?

 

Usually this most wonderful opportunity is also a most demanding challenge. We are here again because there is another way to respond to this set of circumstances; there is another way to feel and act in this moment. There is another way to be in this moment. Often this other path  is one we do not feel that comfortable taking, probably why we didn’t take it last time around (ha). Yet the bigger our fear the greater the opportunity for us to change our lives. It is our fear that holds us back, by being here again we are presented with the challenge and the opportunity to face that fear and set ourselves free.

 

So my friends whenever you find yourselves in that place that seems so familiar, pay attention. Be in it, feel it, remember it. Remember how you felt, who you were the last time you were here. Who are you now? What do you want to be different, and what do you have to do make it so?

 

Take responsibility for being here, again. Take responsibility for being here before. Know that you are here because you chose/choose to be here. You are here for a reason and trust that you know exactly what that reason is. Try to let go of your frustration, your disappointment, your anger. Try to just simply and gently be in this place and get to know the landscape a little better.

 

Be grateful. Thank the lord, or the universe, or fate, or whatever it is you believe in for allowing you, and assisting you, in being here again. Appreciate the wonderful opportunity you have been given; the challenge you have created for yourself to liberate yourself in this moment.

 

Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui. Be strong, be brave, be steadfast my friends. Know that I love you all. Know that this moment, like all moments will not last. Know that you have within you the courage and the strength to change who you are and what your future is.

 

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

 

 

 

It’s been a busy time. Transitional. Crazy kind of.

 

I’m being a teacher and becoming a teacher, teaching and learning to teach as I teach. Learning to teach in a more formal way as well – every Wednesday I’m attending a course aimed at getting my PGCE (over a 2 year period). I’ve been filling in for absent colleagues as well over the last two weeks – taking classes of new students with new levels of ability (I’ve gotten used to teaching entry level students, so fronting up to advanced learners has meant new challenges). So I’ve been scared, uncertain, felt out of my depth, got through,  and at times been happy with what I’ve done . And then many times after teaching I’ve caught a train and gone to Steatham and done late shifts at the residential home, hanging out with my wonderfully individual and idiosyncratic friends at Prema House .

 

Leaving my home, often with Cari still asleep, in the dark at 7 in the morning and coming back at 10.30 at night, more often that not exhausted. And more often than not to a home-cooked hearty meal. Thanks darling – I feel very spoilt

 

A very full time, full of bits and pieces, new and old things, exciting, different and demanding moments, and moments of quiet joy and appreciation. Full rather than busy. I’ve been absent here, present elsewhere. I’ve used a lot of my time writing, creating and planning lots of lessons, activities and tasks for my students and little of my time writing, creating and expressing myself in other ways.

 

Now I want to get back here and yet I feel a little lost, unsure of myself, still alienated from this place, my place. I didn’t really return fully here after my six month absence. I’m not sure if I’m meant to be here anymore. I’m not sure of the purpose of this, and yet …. the teaching, the busyness of working is ….hmmm functional? I don’t mean to indicate at all that it’s not extremely satisfying. It is. It’s challenging and exciting and satisfying and creative, and it is what I wanted and I am becoming in it, what I wanted to be. Which is working as a teacher in a variety of ways and learning my craft. And yet… the creativity, the energy, the desire, commitment, determination and the results ….are slightly off tangent, slightly off target somehow.

 

And in this moment of writing and reflecting, I remember. I remember one of my reasons for wanting to spend this time learning my craft. I wanted this so that I would grow in confidence and skill,  and that at some point in the future I want to use that confidence and those skills to create and deliver a dharma course. Now I remember. Now I answer a question I have yet to ask (how very Buddhist – having the answer before the question…lol).

 

On 7 February I start teaching at Highdown Prison. Once that happens, once I settle into that then I feel as if I have got to where I wished to be a year or so ago. I will be teaching; in the prison, at RACC, and with some individual students. My life will be full of teaching and learning experiences. This is what I imagined, this is what I wanted.

 

Once again things have panned out as I imagined them. This seems to be happening for me more and more recently. It is a quite startling realisation – that life is turning out as I wished. That the dreams I have of what my future will be are actually manifesting themselves.

 

Of course now that I am on the brink of this manifestation of regular, varied work as a teacher of English I can not help but think ‘what is it that I want to lie ahead?’ I can’t help but think this as I know that I can manifest that which I imagine. With this knowledge comes a sense of responsibility, an awareness that I need to be more attentive to what I wish for.

 

So here I am.

 

Happy? Most definitely! Excited? Yes. Wanting to once again become more spiritually focussed? I think so.

 

I love you all. May you all be a happy. May you all experience the wonder of your dreams becoming your realities.

 

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

 

 

Scrambled through yesterday. Submitted my (very) last minute assignment and did my TP. Got the assignment back at the end of the day and was told I needed to rewrite some of it. I wasn’t surprised at all – it was a very last minute affair. This is how I’m doing the course – very last minute – typically I’m finalising my lesson plan and organising the materials for my lesson only minutes before students start arriving.

 

As I’m an early morning (rather than night) person it has become the norm for me to rise before 5 and complete work  in the early hours on assignments and lessons for the day ahead. The last assignment was a bit extreme in that I didn’t realise it was due until the night before so I wasn’t completing work on it the following morning I was starting work on it. So I’m quite happy to resubmit -  hopefully it is good enough now to warrant a pass. I think maybe next weekend (that last of the course – yehaaa!) I’ll find some sanctuary somewhere condusive to study (e.g.  a little local library) and make a concerted effort to get the bulk of the remaining assignments done (well that’s the plan anyway – ha).

 

I still haven’t booked my ticket but I’m confident I will in the next few days. I have concerns for Tobias and Kate and Buka – all of them intricately linked together – a change in the circumstances of one effects all and I feel love and some responsibility towards them all. That said I know my primary responsibility is to myself. To follow my heart and in doing so trust that those that I love and care about will be ok. Those that love me want this from me, although in certain moments I know this can be a difficult thing to accept.

 

I am so indebted to Kate.  Jokingly the other night we made mention of my acceptance speech when I finally get my teaching certificate, and that I should make sure I thank all at 1/160 Mt Smart Road for the not inconsiderable part they have played in helping me achieve my goal.  All joking aside, I literally couldn’t have done this, I could not be doing this without the support of Tobias and Kate.

 

Once again Kate you have shown, in the most humble and modest of ways, your true colours. And what colours they are. You are, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most generous, caring and considerate people I know. Yours is a remarkable way of being – you give so unconditionally and in such an unassuming way that the depth and breadth of your friendship often goes unnoticed. Not so now, not so for me. I am indebted to you in the best way possible. I am indebted for so much, in so many ways. Perhaps more than anyone else, you have through your way of being, defined for me the meaning of friendship.

 

Thank you so much for all you do, for all you are.

 

You are a very special person. I am blessed to be your friend.

 

May all that you dream come true for you are most deserving my friend. May you always be blessed. May you always be happy. May you always share in my dharma x

 

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

 

 

 

I came to know this most wonderful man while I was studying to become a ESOL teacher (and no, I’m not referring to myself -  although my study has led me to know myself a quite a bit better). This guy’s name is Scott and he is one of those genuine people who seem to exude only love, compassion and goodwill. What a pleasure, what a gift it is for me to have met Scott. He lifts me up every time I am with him.  Every time we meet I am astounded all over again by his way of being.

 

We all had to give a couple of  ’micro-teach’ lessons (this is a 15 minute teaching activity that we present to our classmates) during the course. During Scott’s last microteach he chose to facilitate a discussion about ‘chance’, about how our lives are very much determined by chance, or what seems like chance. Things like taking the earlier bus and just happening to come across an old friend who we haven’t seen for years when we disembark. An old friend who just happens to mention in passing that he has been reading a book that we then see in a second-hand bookstore the following day. When we buy the book we discover unexpectedly that it has the very information in it we have been seeking for the essay we are writing, due the next day.  That sort of thing -  chance…

 

…or not. Scott’s teaching got me thinking about synchronicity – something I have written about before (see sweet caroline… ). 

 

And it reminded me of a presentation I gave to my classmates a few months ago now – a presentation which started with a piece of graffiti that read ‘your life is chance not choice’ and ended with that graffiti rewritten as ‘your life is choice not chance’. Well it’s both, and that’s where synchronicity comes in.

 

Synchronicity is a big word for the collision of chance and choice. It is a collision we all create simply by being here. We exist in a world of randomness, a world of chance. And thoughout our lives we make choices about which bits of this randomness we will collide with. Often, particularly as we age, we come to understand many of these collisions as being caused by the conscious decisions we make. And we tend to relegate all others, those that seem to us to be not of our doing, as coincidence, chance, luck.

 

Yet perhaps this is a false dichotomy. Perhaps we are present in all the collisions of our live, whether we are conscious of it or not. And the sooner we realise this, and the sooner we take responsibilty for this, the sooner we can have our strawberry ice-cream.

 

 

 

So thanks Scott. Thanks for being who you are. Thanks for being in my life right now – I appreciate it, I appreciate you immensely.

 

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

 

 

‘Teachers open the door. You enter by yourself.[1]’

                                                                       

 

I was raised by teachers. Most of my earliest years were spent at the back of a small classroom listening to my mother teach. I grew up with teachers, and was a student as much as a son. Since my parents stopped teaching me I have sought and found others to open doors for me and encourage me to pass through.

 

What makes a ‘good’ teacher? I have often wondered. Yet I must know what it is I seek, and find, in a teacher. This essay outlines my view of a teacher; the kind of teacher I aspire to be and the kind of teacher I like to be taught by. The teaching/training cycle identifies five stages. Using these I will discuss a teacher’s roles and responsibilities, and the boundaries they set for themselves and their students.

 

Identifying needs

 

A teacher does not exist without a student. In recognition of this a teacher wants to know those students he or she is in relationship with. In particular to know how each students will relate to them; their knowledge, their way of teaching and the methods they utilize. By undertaking the roles of data analyst, researcher and decision maker the teacher becomes aware of the needs of his or her students and is able to identify both barriers (e.g. physical, psychological, cultural, economic, emotional or otherwise) and aids that may effect their connection with a student. A teacher wants to connect with all their students, they want all to enter the open door, so it is critical that they know something of those that will potentially pass through.

 

Planning and design

 

With students’ needs identified effectively, the teacher takes on the roles of analyzer, planner, inventor and creator in meeting the challenge of designing and planning teaching sessions that cater for the diverse range of students in their class. The teacher is both the writer and the cover designer as they attempt to merge lesson content with lesson delivery, so that the teaching is as much in the form as the substance. All this is typically carried out within a bureaucratic environment, of which the teacher is aware, as it is their responsibility to know the legislative, political and procedural realities which impact on their classroom presence.

 

However all this is worth it as a well designed and planned session is easily executed, leaving space for the teacher to fulfill the role of presenter, performer and participant.    

 

Delivery

 

Perhaps the most important responsibility the teacher has during the delivery of a lesson is to simply be present with their students. The more prepared a teacher is for a session; the more accepting they are of their authority and leadership role (see Assessment), the more they are able to relax, let go and simply ‘be themselves’. It is through such ‘presence’ that teachers connect with, inspire and motivate their charges.

 

A teacher is a role model. They are non-judgemental, open, compassionate, enthusiastic, passionate, gracious, loving and kind. They are also effective managers who through their adaptability and non-attachment, seem to move effortlessly along the continuum between the roles of controller and facilitator. Teachers, as Harmer ( 2000: 236) states ‘who are able to mix the controlling role with a good ‘performance’ are extremely enjoyable to be taught by or observed” . 

 

Assessment

 

A teacher is comfortable with the role of ‘god’ within the teacher-student relationship. They have been gifted the authority by their students to pass judgement on them. This is a precious gift, with associated responsibilities that many teachers may struggle with. When assessing a student a teacher sees and speaks honestly and clearly. They are both courageous and compassionate in their judgement out of respect for the gift they have received from their students.

 

Evaluation

 

The same courage and compassion is present during evaluation. A teacher is open to appraisal, from others; their peers, their students, and professional bodies. All feedback is considered valuable in contributing to their ongoing growth and development. A teacher is always a student, mindful of the doors being opened for them by all those they are in contact with.

 

They know that there is always more to be learnt and are prepared to do whatever it takes to improve as a teacher. Here their responsibility is primarily to themselves; to honest, gentle self appraisal.

 

Boundaries
In all of their roles a teacher experiences boundaries and constraints. These may be moral, legal, ethical, institutional, personal, physical and/or psychological.  A teacher recognises these boundaries and strives to transcend them. This is the ultimate goal, to become the ultimate teacher, one who is truly free of self-imposed limitations and who through simply being instills others with the confidence to seek their own freedom.

 

---

[1] Chinese proverb

 

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x