What grace taught me. She taught me not to fear, that she was always there. Grace. Is always there.

Throughout my life you are always there. Forever. Like the air I breathe, for the breath I am. Yet, I doubt

This you tell me is not a flaw, no crack

This is life, to exist is to be two

Inbreath and outbreath, light and shadow, one and the same. Different.

Fractured, split

Yet, you say, this is not a flaw, no crack.

I am Grace

I am your gift.

…yep this one’s for you Kate, bless you.

I have recently finished reading ‘The Holy Grail’ (quite enjoyed it, and can understand why it was so popular) and while talking with Cari last night I recalled that in that book (page 410 to be exact) the main character, Langdon, discusses the notion of “orgasm as prayer”. Quite an old and respected concept it would seem, and I quote;

‘ Physiologically speaking the male climax was accompanied by a split second deviod of thought.  A brief mental vaccum. A moment of clarity during which God could be glimpsed. Meditation gurus achieved similar states of thoughtlessness without sex and often described nirvana as a never-ending spiritual orgasm’

Now this very concept is one that some many months ago I was rather ridiculed about by my good friend Kate (who thankfully happened to also transcribe it from my oral ramblings into text – thanks Kate), so now I feel totally legitimised, and in fact almost encouraged, to go against Kate’s wishes and reveal my orgasm theory to all. Here it is then:

It’s the urge for intensity that drives us, subterranean often,  this urge drives us as human beings - to experience intensity- we seek it out- and that’s why the orgasm is what it is, because in that moment of orgasm, it is the total letting go.  The intensity of the moment is overwhelming, and what does it overwhelm?  The moment overwhelms an understanding of self, a self conception- that’s what it feels like, I am not there- we can try as hard as we can (why we would bother I don’t know) but ’we’ can’t actually be there and be orgasmic- it’s intense, it’s overwhelming, it’s obliterating.   I guess that’s why it’s called little death in Japanese or somewhere (French?), because it is a little death, it’s a moment of death.  We all seek that, and it’s not a sex thing, it’s not a power thing, it’s an obliteration thing.  The desire to expand on that, to experience an extended moment of intensity with somebody else, and believing and knowing that what the experience is, is not simply orgasm- orgasm is simply a pathway.  It isn’t the only way, there is no one way.  There are many, many ways.  The orgasm gets us there because it’s a gift- sex, that’s why sex isn’t just about procreation- sex is also about orgasm.  God is showing us what’s possible, God is showing us that it’s possible to be alive, to breathe, to exist without a concept of self- and we have the orgasm, the gift of the orgasm to show us the way.  Which is not to say that you’re meant to run around trying to have orgasms all over the place, it’s illustrating a point, and it’s understanding that it’s what happens in that moment, it’s not about getting there through sex, or the sexual aspects of it- the sex is simply a passage.  A passage to the Intensity, being present to the point where you don’t exist.  There is simply the moment.

So there you go, I could have written that best-selling book, well page 401 anyway. Oh, and don’t get me started on ‘The Matrix’, I had pretty much half the novel written when that came out. Nevermind, I’m not bitter and twisted, there is a good explanation for this phenomena, (and thanks Phil for drawing it my attention to it) – here it is…

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x