I was thinking of writing about what’s been happening for me lately, and in my thinking I thought of my dad, and what an incredibly gentle loving man he was, and how he was this foil to my mum. He matched her, complimented her, he enveloped her in his non-conditional love. He eased her troubles …

… and I’m not going to write about my dad, I am going to write about Uncle Fred. Uncle Fred died peacefully last night.

I am so so thankful that I met and spent some time with Fred last year. What an incredible gentle and peaceful man. What a love he has for Pat, my mother’s sister. What a gift it was for me to spend time with them both, to witness a love that endures, to witness two people so deeply and intensely in love.

A true love that existed long before I was born. A love Grace was part of. Perhaps even a love that once witnessed, led my mother to search and desire for herself.

Thank you Fred. For that seemingly briefest of moments I spent with you. I felt your love for me and for Grace. I felt your love for our family. I felt your love for all, for life and all it’s glories.

Thank you for inviting me to be part of your life, to experience, to witness the third component that you share with Pat. It was as real and as present as any of us there in your front room. It is still here - you and Pat through your love, your commitment, your desire and devotion created a third entity, full of love that shines like the sun. Neither all you nor all Pat, yet only here because of your geniune love for each other, it glowed. It filled the room around you. It filled your house. It was with you always. Your love and respect, passion and admiration. It filled my heart with gladness, I loved being near you.

Thank you for sharing that third component. Thank you for being a man not afraid to love. Thank you for allowing me to see and hear and feel and breathe that. Thank you for the dharma.

In your company, I smiled and felt gentle myself. I was reminded of all that is good in men. Thank you for sharing your memories. Thank you for sharing your joys and your fears. 

May you rest in peace

May you know that your love endures

and that through your being

you have changed a life

may you always be happy

 x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Ha! Wow! Heather. It’s been a while and for me it seems to have taken some time to get here. To say thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much

I know we said it when we parted, and I know we meant it. Now my ’thank you’ has a much deeper meaning. You helped me along my path is so many ways. One of the most important things you revealed to me, and you did it through your being, was just how much one person can so positively influence another. You were a catalystic event on my life – and through experiencing that, I knew that is what I wanted to be.

You shared the secrets of the universe with me, and now they are within me, they are me. Now I see myself and I am often reminded of you.  Thank you for the most wonderful of gifts. Thank you for showing me that the ice-cage was simply an illusion, that the blackness was simply the inside of a cave, and that all I needed to do was ask for a torch.

Thank you for the torch, and the rope, and all the other bits and pieces I needed to find me way out (now I can go in and out of the cave with almost no fear of getting lost! Thank you)

Thank you for introducing me to Bohm, Stuart Wilde, Zohar and Capra. Thank you for loving Julia Cameron as much as I did. Thank you for being with me when we met Buddha. Thank you for welcoming Grace into our home. Thank you for saying goodbye.

Thank you for the family we created and the healing we got done. I am so proud of our family, all so strong, so brave, so steadfast. Thank you for the love we gave and received, from each other and from our children and grandchildren.  Thank you for walking on the wild side, visiting places with me I had never travelled to before. Thank you for la-la land and holding my hand when we went wandering with Janet Frame.

Thank you for the most wonderful experience – a life changing journey – thank you for trusting the process.

Thank you for August 31st

Thank you for the third component

I love you (and you know that already – ha)

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

One of the things that happened while I was away from here was that my nana (Frieda) celebrated her 98th birthday. Way to go nana!!! Cari and I travelled down to Taunton (Somerset) and stayed with my wonderful cousin Sian at hers – thank you so much Sian, you were the hostess with the mostess once again. It is ALWAYS so wonderful to spend time with you – you are so accommodating and generous and vibrant, and I always feel loved – even loved enough to have a bit of gloom settle in for a moment!! Thanks cuz, for once again making my time in Taunton, my time with my family, a wonderful time. 

I know, she looks a bit worried, but pay no mind, she does worry a little at times, it doesn’t really mean anything. Perhaps she is thinking of teaching that class of four year olds … And Cari, Sian and I watched ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’. The first and last time I watched this movie was with my mum and Cari on New Years Eve 2007, mum’s last. The movie ended exactly on midnight. We didn’t plan it that way, that’s just the way it was. As the movie ended (with a new years eve scene) we could hear the fireworks exploding outside. If you ever get the chance, watch this movie – it is a reminder to us all – a reminder of who we are and what we are and what we mean, to ourselves, to each other and to the universe.

Now is a great time to watch it, what with Christmas just around the corner.

We went out to dinner with nana on the Sunday – she was here ever twinking self. Her eyes full of the magic of life, sparkling, smiling - a joy to watch, a joy to behold. Thanks again nana – this is something I never ever dreamed I would have. I love you to bits xx

A fantastic time was had by all. The food was great, the company was special. I met my cousin Vicki (that’s her in the middle next to Sian) for the first time (well the first time I can remember anyway).  A great weekend – a very special birthday.

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

It’s Friday afternoon. I want to just stop for a moment and acknowledge the week that has been. It was a huge week for me. Now looking back I can see that I have been tireless this week.

The Glanville Trust is winding up. It will be no more in a few more days. It was set up some 6 years or so ago, so that mum could be cared for, so that she could die peacefully, in her own home, surrounded by people who loved her. She did. God bless her.

My financial situation is changing dramatically. As the Trust winds up it rewards me financially. Thank you mum. This is my inheritance. Thank you for all the gifts you bestowed upon me over those 88 wonderful years. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

My employment situation has changed. I now have an agent who organises and arranges any work for me. And I pick and choose as to when I want to work and what I want to do. I am a ‘free agent’ so to speak. This is a massive transformation.

The delicious ambiguity has receded. The mist has cleared for a time. I now know where I stand. I recognise and stand strong in my turangawaewae. Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui. 

I have in the last week produced a huge amount of writing, on here, and in emails, on postcards. More than that I have realised a dream. My dream of being a writer. That is what I am. That is what I have become.

All this has happened this week. Today is October 31st. It is my father’s birthday. Today I also realise that dad has been absent from this site. He has been in the shadows. Behind the scenes, behind me. Always. Always there. He is, he always was, he always will be – a rock. My rock.

Dad died some 25 years ago. Dad, it is time for you to come to the front of the stage. Into the spotlight.

Dad, thanks so much for being so different.

Never before have I appreciated it so much.

I am my own man, a man like you

because of you

I love who I am

 I love who you were

x godbless x

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

over

100

posts

Over 100 posts! Wicked! I am so so pleased to have been so prolific, to have created something as wonderful, as wonderfully fulfilling, as pleasing to me as this site. Thanks to all my friends, you have all been with me in this journey. Thanks to those who also contributed words- Cari, Tobe, Gaz and Nga, Kate, Phil, Max, Don and Caleb, Debs, Karen and Marney – you all have helped get onedharma here.

Thanks to all who visit here often. I’m sure (well I’m hoping anyway) that there are a lot more of you than I am aware of. Of those that I do know about, as you give me great support and advice, thanks Kate and Marney. Thanks for all the feedback and reassurance – it has been quite desperately needed at times.

Thanks to those that have spread the dharma through recommending the site, again thanks Marney, and Cari, thanks darling.

Thanks to all those that are browsing the site, and I know there are quite a few of you as I have some little gremlins (which of course I carefully keep away from bright lights, water and any midnight snacks) beavering away behind the scenes amassing all kinds of information. And so, just for Chas, Don, Lyn and the rest of the crew back at the audit office, here is the hard data:

• I posted my first post on 15 April 2008
• Post 100 was posted on 28 October 2008
• So that’s 100 posts in 197 days (hmmm over 1 every 2 days!)
• Official records started on 6 August 2008 (don’t ask me why they just did)
• On 6th August 2008 there were 246 hits and 63 page views on the site.
• On 30 October 2008 there were 2510 hits and 986 page views
• Monthly, there were:
  • 191 unique visitors, viewing an average of 5.25 pages in August
  • 207 unique visitors, visiting an average of 8.96 pages in September
  • 267 unique visitors, visiting an average of 11.18 pages in October
• Monthly the number of hits have increased:
  • 7427 in August
  • 15029 in September
  • 27552 in October

Yes sir, I’m well pleased. Chuffed even. I feel like a writer! Ha! And especially so over the last couple of weeks. There has been an explosion of writing, of all sorts. So, I feel like a writer! And today I realised what sort of writer I feel like.  A beat writer. To be more specific, an [up]beat writer!

Thanks again to all who are part of this journey, may you all be blessed, may you all be happy, may you all be liberated. May you all share in my dharma.

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x