complete non-attachment

that lasts

maybe a minute

maybe less

I’m practising with my eyes wide open

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

I was sitting with Frank the other day when he said ‘I can’t let them get away with it’. Stopped me in my tracks, not that I was actually making any at the time, but had I been, I would have stopped dead. Do people actually say such things I wondered? Obviously they do.

What it was ‘they’ were getting away with I can’t quite remember, I think it was something to do with the Pharmacy (’they’) having not sent his repeat prescription on the day he expected, and maybe saying that he had not actually ordered it on the day he believed he had ordered it, or something like that.

I was sorely tempted to ask him exactly what it was they were getting away with, when he obligingly answered my unasked question with a comment something along the lines of  ’they’re trying to prove me wrong’. I was bewildered as the situation from what I could gather seemed much different to me.

One thing however was blatantly clear, Frank needed to be right. He was sure he was right about the date he ordered the prescription, and was affronted that the pharmacist thought otherwise.  I couldn’t see the issue – the actual date was no longer of relevance, as the pills were now on their way.

It did however get me to thinking – about the need to be right – why is this so important to some people? Really what is the benefit? To prove to ourselves that we know? Know what? The truth? What is real?

The thing is – we NEVER know. We never know what is true and real. All of us are just guessing. What is true and real beyond our perceptions and understandings can never be known, not in any absolute sense.

Perhaps though we can experience something true and real. Perhaps. And once experienced enough times we come to realise that it is a waste of time being attached to this ‘truth‘ in any way. It is emphereal, amorphous. There is, we come to experience, no right and no wrong.  There are many rights and just as many wrongs, all equally valueless.

So we begin to practice letting go of truth, accepting that in a disagreement there are many truths and many realities. We strive to let go of our sense of truth and seek two rights, two wrongs. The more we practice the easier this becomes – if the other is wrong, then so are we. If the other is right, so are we.

After a while there is no longer any disagreement, there is no judgement, there is no truth, no right, no wrong.  All there is is a connection with an other, another self, just like us.

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Is something I hear quite often as I go visiting.  The words always surprise me  – after all we ALL end up like this. If we are blessed with the gift of age, there is no avoiding it.  We ALL as we age, slow down, become dependent, unstable and uncoordinated, get fuzzy and forgetful.

I don’t understand why all this is considered bad, unattractive and unwanted.

Babies are much loved, adored by many, yet they are all of these things – dependent, uncoordinated, fuzzy and without memory. Perhaps it is that as we grow we become attached. Attached to being independent, agile, coordinated, quick and confident in mind and body. We choose to ignore that this, like all things, is simply a moment, that will inevitably pass.

x bhavatu sabbe manglum x

All the ‘a’ words today.  Cari reminded me a few days ago, while I was wallowing in self-pity and self-indulgence, that the best thing we can do at all times (and especially at times when we are feeling life is just a little bit unfair) is accept things…              

…just the way they are.

This was one of the things that Goenka stressed over and over again. I can still hear his sonorous tones – “as it is, not as you want it to be”.

as it is

Three little words that hold the key to a heap of liberation. Sure it takes a lot of practice, but hey, life provides heaps of opportunities don’t it? That’s the wonderful thing about life – it is the most natural place to practice. Don’t have to go anywhere special, don’t need some personal trainer or specialised instrument - we have all we need to practice right here, right now and ever moment to come.

Of course, the best times to practice are exactly those times when we usually least feel like it. Those times, as with me a few days ago, when we just want to feel sorry for ourselves, when we just want to feel like we are the only ones suffering here. Well perhaps not the only ones, but definitely the ones suffering the most right at this minute, and hell why can’t everyone else just see that and get on with supporting us in our pain! Especially those bastards who are causing our pain, cause in times like these we don’t like to take responsibility ourselves!

These are the times to practice. These are the opportunities. So thanks Cari for having the courage to tell me that.  That courage is part of intimate love. It is the courage to support the one you love, not by supporting their misery, their sense of victimhood, their righteous sense of injustice, but by letting them now, when they believe they least want to here it, that it is time to accept things, just the way they are.

And when we shake our heads and let go of our anger, of our sense of injustice, of our wishing that things were different. When we really truly give up and accept that this is simply the way things are, then we are ready to take action.

Acceptance does not result in apathy. Acceptance does not lead to ‘whatever’ – resignation and defeat. Genuine acceptance of things the way they are allows to us to see clearly, without anger, without pain, without affront. And when we do this we can act without fear. We can act without attachment, with no desire to achieve any result or outcome. The action in itself is enough.

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Sometimes life seems to be heading towards a crisis point. Know what I mean? Hmmm like for me now, and in the last 8 weeks to six months, there has been this way of looking, understanding and responding to things that very much interprets it as heading towards a crisis point. And right now, that crisis point is sometime around next week or the week after.

Next week, or perhaps the weeks after, I may have a couple of financial institutions chasing me over unpaid monthly debt payments. Of course I say ‘may’ rather than ‘will’ because that ‘point’ (as vividly portrayed in the pic below) has not yet arrived …

… and of course that ‘point’ never does (as graphically depicted below). The closer we get to what seems like a point the more it becomes point-less. It is a curve, a gradual change in direction, never ever a sharp point.

Hmmm, so nothing to worry about there then, as I have been heading along this gentle curve for some time now, and I will just keep doing so.

That will explain why, that at the same time as I am scraping around for pennies – no I exaggerate [a Glanville trait my cousin Sian tells me]  more watching the pounds (very closely) I am also responding to emails about settlement on mum’s house and payment of over NZD$1 million to the Trust, and the distribution of these monies, and the possibility that about NZD$ 45K may (there’s that ‘may’ again) be transferred into my bank account over the next week or so.  Crazy uncertainty, delicious ambiguity.

And (cause there’s always an ‘and’) this is where NON-ATTACHMENT and RIGHT ACTION come into it as well.

As I keep practising knowing, I am able to be non-attached. Knowing, that either reality is wonderful, that being penniless or being plentiful are both fantastic – both realities are wonderful. One is not in any way, better, worse, more scary, less fun, or in any way more preferable than the other.  I practice complete non-judgement and non-attachment. Of course I quite often slip up here – and get judgemental, and scared and worried. And of course then I always come back to the second rule (never, ever beat yourself up). Whew, thank goodness for the second rule.

So non-attachment and right action.  Right action ensures that non-attachment, and the acceptance of the glorious and delicious ambiguity of it all does not result in apathy and fatalism. Right action is accepting ambiguity and multiplicity, accepting life as it is and acting accordingly.

So I went to the Job Centre today. And I emailed the Trust lawyer today. And I spoke to Tobias re the Trust and the distribution of monies today. And I sent an email about the job offer today seeking further information. And I contacted one of those financial institutions today further explaining my situation. And I wrote this today.

Recognise   Accept   Let go   Act

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x