’Don’t ask me how I came about this information’, Mouse said, looking out  into Blue’s eyes with a teasing half-smile. He paused just long enough for Blue to start wondering if he was meant to respond in someway, to entice or perhaps beg the information from him. He didn’t, he knew well enough to keep quiet. He knew that Mouse wouldn’t be wanting him to do that.

Mouse broke the spell.  ’Not unless you want to hear some very personal details about my activities this morning’  he said with a laugh.  Raised eyebrows, and the faintest of smiles kept Blue silent. He sensed the air slow and still, become thinner somehow, and he wondered if perhaps this was to be one of ‘those’ moments. Blue had enough sense, with his last breath, to start paying attention. He focussed.

‘I realised this morning that I’m not someone who pushes forward, that I’m more of a ’sit back and take it’ sort of guy.

‘Really’ Blue replied, relieved, some of the tension draining from him. With a short huffy laugh he let Mouse know he knew, that Mouse knew, that this wasn’t such a great revelation. He knew there would be more. He waited. He didn’t have to wait long. The tone was there, after Mouse’s next two words.

‘Yes, well’. Mouse paused, the edge creeping into his voice,  ’I also realised that most of us, most men are either one or the other, either pushers or pullers.  When it comes down to it, when we are standing on the edge, staring into the dark back of beyond, when we think we’ve given all we have to give, we’ll all do one of two things. We’ll  pull away or we’ll push forward’.

Blue knew this had something to do with him (it always did), something to do with what he’d told the big man earlier. And he knew he didn’t want to go into that right now, so he reached out and grabbed hold of the lifeline Mouse had offered him earlier. ‘Uh-huh, ok, so tell me how exactly did you come by this revelation?’

‘Are you sure want to know?’ Mouse asked. ‘It did come to me during an intensely personal moment.’  He looked at Blue, as if demanding an answer, yet just as Blue opened his mouth, Mouse continued sweet and softly, ’Not that I mind sharing with you of course, I just want to be sure you’re ready for such intimacy between us?’

Blue felt pinned by Mouse’s gaze.  He didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to be here anymore.  

to continue …

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x