It’s a roundabout journey, and I’ll start at the end. My dad, Sid and his love of tools. He had lots and lots of tools and things, Many of them still in the garage when I left the family home about a year ago – and dad died 25 years ago. Dad was more often outside than in the house, building or demolishing something. Mum would call him for coffee and then get annoyed as it went cold as he lingered over his latest project. He was not a great tradesman or artisan: he just loved it. Working with concrete, knocking down or building something out of wood, tinkering with the car or the lawnmower.

One of the television adverts I remember most vividly from my early childhood days was one for Sidchrome spanners. The catchline was ‘you canna hand a man a grander spanner’, and I think because of the name of the spanner (Sidchrome) I always associated the advert with my dad (Sid). Anyway, while dad was no great shakes (there’s a weird English term, deriving I understand from someone who couldn’t toss winning dice) at the manly pursuits of mechanical engineering, joinery or carpentry, his desires and dreams were realised in my brother, Steve who is a gifted chippie (unlike myself who has virtually no construction ability whatsoever!).

What caused me to think of spanners, and recall the Sidchrome advert was the term ‘a spanner in the works’, (another strange English idiom – which must be quite a difficult one to grasp for those of us for whom English is a second language). Well someone put a spanner in my works a couple of days ago.

It was only the day before that I was staggering and stumbling on my way to Frank’s in the late afternoon – and wondering why? Why am I not striding along as usual? It didn’t take me long to realise the answer – because I was shattered. Over-exercising and under-eating had left me weary and bone-tired. Under-eating because Cari had gone to visit her daughter in Manchester a few days before and I was not bothering to look after myself, and over-exercising because that week had seen an increase in my clientelle at work from one to three.

Now it’s not that I get a lot of exercise caring for older men in their own homes. Usually a lot of meal making, dish washing, bathing and general housekeeping. The exercise comes from getting from one place to the next.  And as the number of men has increased so has the need to get around a little quicker, and once again, Cari has come to my rescue.

I started using Cari’s mountain bike to get from one client to the next. It’s probably been about 20 years since I rode a pushbike in any serious fashion, and as I staggered along to Frank’s I realised that for the last two days I had been riding about 15 miles each morning – and walking another 3 – 5 miles in the afternoon. No wonder I was feeling a little weary (and maybe that’s why my bum’s so sore?). And I could have (easily) in that moment thought how hard, how tiring, how ridiculous all this is – riding 15 miles to visit three men; spending 4 hours away from home for £10 in pay. However I did not. I remembered where this particular journey had begun.

It began that morning, as I rode from visiting Roger towards Frank, and the sun had come up, and the sky was clear. I had time to stop somewhere so I rode into a small park at the back of Sutton. Rested my bike upon the back of a park-bench, I stretched, feeling the effects of the ride in my muscles. The sun was at my back, casting shadows across the green expanse in front of me, and in that moment I felt glorious. I felt truly grateful to be alive. Life is GOOD, life is wonderful. I spoke out loud “I feel great”.

So that’s the end of this story – at the beginning. Oh, I didn’t tell you about the spanner in the works after all that. That’s what comes from trying to recount a journey backwards, from end to beginning. Anyway what is a spanner in the works when the world is such a wonderful place?

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Hi all, you may have noticed (well I hope you have though no one’s said anything) that there have been a sight fewer post on here of late. If ever you want to hear more, read more about what’s going on for me, then just email me at onedharma@gmail.com and let me know and I will respond (in one way or another).

So it seems, the site has changed. The relationship between myself and the site has shifted. Now the site is much more part of the relationship between you and I. The number of posts and what they are about will be decided both of us. When you email me, I will interpret and translate your message into something to write about here. So (Kate in particular) be mindful when you email me (and I know some of you are thinking you’ll never email me again) because anything goes! Having said that, in all seriousness, email me, I am in need of the input!

Part of the reason for the shift is because I have once again begun gainful employment – that is employment that there is some gain in. To me. Something that I am choosing at this present time to do with this precious life of mine. Something I have chosen to engage in to enhance the wonder of all the moments I am given. In other words something through which I GAIN!

I am choosing to be a caregiver in the community visiting and caring for older men. Wicked!! Old men. I guess they are safer to look after than young men. Thinking about that – when do men become difficult to care for? When they’re babies they’re great. I think for me I have stuff about men aged between 21 and 35, somewhere in that rough age group. Must be that I am not that happy about myself during that time of my life? I used to dread the 13 – 20 year olds, but since raising my sons (and with much much help from Heather and Lauren and Daniel and Joseph and Clare), I no longer fear men that age. As I feared my sons becoming those men. Becoming me. I no longer see myself as anything other than wonderful in who I was and how I was during that time. I used to know myself as an angry, silent, bitter soul. Someone who hated his father, despite his father being the most gentle man. A gentleman, with a difficult path behind him, who himself had found some liberation, freedom from pain, and joy.

Anyway I digress, I am a community caregiver and so my time reality has also changed. I am out working in the morning and in the evening, with the middle of the day without structure. So that is now the best time for me to post -the middle of the day (no wait – that always was the best time for posting). It’s not about time. Its not just about time, it also about space. Hmmm I’m sounding just a little like some sort of scientist here. Einstein methinks, or perhaps more Bohm. Though all that maths – way too detailed and difficult for me.

Concepts I like. Concepts are easier than numbers for me. Concepts like Time and Space. Space as in my physical environment, that opens to, and opens up my senses. Now I am venturing forth much less, I am instead returning to familiar places. Going around in circles: Frank’s flat twice every day, at the same time, walking the same roads, or catching the same buses to get there and back every day. Malcom’s home three times a week. My space has changed to one which is repeated, in circles and cycles I am all too aware of.

Therefore the challenge for me is to be more mindful.  To see less of the cycle and more of the change. To see the difference as well as the sameness in each and every moment. I love it! Bring it on. What a great challenge – to raise my level of mindfulness so that I continue to be present in that which is familar.

The challenge for you is to remind me of this. Let’s see if you can do that? Perhaps by telling me what is changing in your life you will remind me to pay attention in mine! Whatever, it’s all good!

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Things have changed – and one way they have is that I am now a community care worker. I’m actually in training, but that was interrupted and deprioritised a couple of days ago when I was rushed out to meet up with a new client, in my brand new uniform and with my hastily assembled ID card in my pocket. It’s part time, nevertheless I’m doing it, and not doing so much training. Funny that, reminds me of the first few days of a lot of jobs I have done.

My client is Frank and I visit him twice a day, morning and evening. I was walking to his place yesterday along a cold busy Rayne’s Park street, having given myself lots of time to get there (lucky I did, as I did go the wrong way at one point) and I felt happy. It felt good. I felt good. The feel of the tingling cold on my face and fingertips. My feet as the touched the pavestones, my legs as I strode, then meandered, slowed down. I  was happy in my freedom to move, to walk along, stroll, saunter, to take time. Happy that this was a street new to me, a new corner to go around, not knowing what was round the other side. I felt great just walking along on a late autumn day, in a country 9 months ago I was only imagining visiting, with no real idea of where I would be or what I would do.

And with my happiness came a longing, A desire to acknowledge. Not the cause of my happiness, for that is me. I am responsible for my happiness. Either I choose it or not. No, I wanted to acknowledge the conditions. To recognise and acknowledge those conditions that exist. Conditions that because they are there, I am here. Feeling like this. I wanted to express gratitude for all that goes into making this environment, this space in which I find myself. This space/place within which I am HAPPY!!. 

And it was Caroline who came to mind. Caroline who has surrounded me in a love so strong, so gentle. So soft, it cushions me. Snuggles me, surrounds me, supports me so softly, so gently that I can easily forget about it. It is such a giving love. A subtle love that is not boasted from the rooftops – rather a simple love that just is. Your words ‘I love you’ lie atop the vast golden threaded net of trust and respect that you have woven around me. I am supported. I am living in a place of promise and potential. I am living in a way in which I have never done before. I am free to fly – in any direction. I know you genuinely wish and want me to soar.

Thank you so so much. For loving me as you do. For providing the conditions. For weaving the net. For loving me as you do.

I love you

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

… and half a dozen of the other.

Not so long ago I would have been shaking my head in semi-disbelief. 

The prize package/phone credit competition has already been a success, and there is still  over 48 hours to go! Thanks to those that have entered, two that I am aware of, and some anonymous entries. Thanks so much!

It is already a success because I have news of the JOB APPLICATION!!!! While there was no message on my phone, a letter did pop through the door (I love that, it is soooooooo British). And you know me (cause and effect and cause – everything is related) that letter arriving and us sorting out my phone are closely related, closely mind! So my gratitude to those who responded to the competition call. I love you dearly xx

So, the letter. Well. To give due justice to both the content and form of the letter, you really need to read it for yourself. Here it is:

Dear Simon

Thank you very much for coming for interview for the above post. I am pleased to inform you that the Board considers you to be potentially appointable and recommends that you should be placed on a waiting list and offered a fixed term appointment for three years if and when a vacancy arises within 12 months. However, it is only fair to point out that at present there are a number of other candidates on the waiting list and we cannot guarantee to provide a post within this period. This recommendation is subject to the satisfactory completion of the usual pre-appointment enquiries.

We will keep you informed of developments and be in touch as soon as there is definite news.

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you have any questions.

Wicked! Not so long ago my head woulda been a shaking, and I’d a been a huffin and a puffin. Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Fence sitting. A bob each way. Hedging my bets. Six of one and half a dozen of the other. Talk about …

delicious ambiguity

Why did I think it would be any different? Life is like this. Life is ambiguous.

And life is what we make it.

I must say Cari took it remarkably well. Tobe’s out with Andrew and at least one bottle of champagne, so he won’t find out until some time tomorrow afternoon at the earliest. I imagine he’ll laugh in that way he does … knowlingly! Ha.

So I am once again blessed. Blessed with a gift of an opportunity. An opportunity to practice. To practice trust

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x

Following on from pebbledashing#1, in which I introduced this odd word (well odd for me, and I imagine many other southern hemisphere folks), it is now time to reveal it’s true meaning.

Sorry it does not have anything to do with skimming flat stones (aka pebbles) across a still mountain lake. So sorry to all those who provided that [close but no cigar] answer.

Actually, pebbledashing is a type of roughcasting (which itself is a coarse plaster surface used on outside walls that consists of lime and sometimes cement mixed with sand, small gravel, and often pebbles or shells). In pebbledashing the surface coating is of small stones, chips of stones or gravel that are thrown at a coat of wet plaster while it is still ’soft’.

Interesting huh. And there’s more – while there is some suggestion that pebbledashing originated in Greece or thereabouts, in classical times, it was in the UK that it really made a name for itself. Although that name became a tad tarnished after it was over used in post war housing. Due to the lack of skilled bricklayers after the Second World War pebble dashing was bought back as a way of covering up poor brickwork, especially on council estates. Hmmmm not so good.

And more…. from that, as is wont to happen in good ole UK, god bless her, there emerged a whole category of people. Yep, the ‘pebbledash people’ (click on it, if you don’t believe me). Only in the mothercountry…

Anyway, all that aside, and all that is an aside pretty much – build up for the introduction of this new standout vid from….me.  My tribute to the pebbledashers all over the world, particularly Bobby and Max:

Thanks guys for the fantastic job on the house. Not only artisans but bloody good blokes!

x bhavatu sabbe mangalum x